Todd Frogley and the Camelot Knigtmare Read online

  Todd sighed again. ‘Yes, I said I’m hungry.’

  The raptor’s mouth remained open for a long moment. She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry, I must be going mad. Humans can’t speak.’

  ‘Where I come from reptiles can’t speak.’

  Another long silence. She grabbed the card attached to the cage and read it aloud. ‘Human. Member of the Primates family of mammals. Known habitat, parts of Asia and South America. A rare and endangered species.’

  ‘I know,’ Todd said. ‘I read it. It’s rubbish.’

  Silent again, she tried to digest what she’d heard. There was no denying it, the juvenile human had spoken.

  ‘You’re not supposed to be able to talk. You’re an animal.’

  ‘So are you,’ Todd replied.

  ‘Well … strictly speaking, yes, but I’m a reptile.’

  ‘And in your world reptiles talk.’

  ‘What do you mean, in my world? What world do you live in?’

  Todd sighed. ‘Earth’.

  ‘This is Earth, and humans don’t talk here.’

  ‘They do on my Earth.’

  His listener looked totally confused. ‘Oh God! I should be recording this.’ No–one’s going to believe I’m talking to a human.’

  A moment later a camera was set up on a stand and pointing at Todd’s cage.

  ‘Now, for the camera, what was that you just said about another Earth?’

  ‘I think it’s the same Earth,’ Todd said, ‘but in a different reality.’

  ‘Whatever that means. I’m a vet, not a theoretical physicist.’

  Todd had no idea what a theoretical physicist was. And he resented the idea that he was being examined by a vet. ‘What are you going to do with me?’

  ‘That depends on Doctor Bass. He’ll want to examine you himself. A talking human is an amazing discovery and he’ll want all the credit, see his name in the papers, be interviewed on TV. He’s like that.’

  ‘Not if I can help it,’ Todd said. ‘I’m out of here as soon as I find my …Do you know where my colliderscope is?’

  Before she could reply the door opened and a mixed group of white–coated reptiles entered. Four were raptors like the female he’d been talking to. Two were duck–bills, one a triceratops. The one in the lead was a crocodile–headed lizard. All wore spectacles. The female lizard hastily moved the camera out of sight. Todd backed to the far end of his cage.

  Chapter 9

  ‘Now gentlemen,’ Crocodile–Head said, ‘we’ll find out if there’s any truth in my story about a talking human, shall we? … Oh, hello, Loma, what are you doing here?’ His tone showed resentment.

  ‘I’m supposed to check the animals about this time, Dr Bass.’

  ‘Oh well, do what you have to then run along. That’s a good girl.’

  Todd noted with amusement the glare Loma gave the crocodile–headed scientist, who didn’t appear to notice it.

  ‘Righto little human, let’s hear what you can say.’

  Out of a sulky sense of injustice Todd decided to remain silent. He picked up a banana from the straw and threw it at Crocodile Head. It hit him in the chest. Dr Bass tried again. He took a pen from his lab coat pocket and poked Todd with it through the bars of the cage. Todd snarled and showed his teeth and Dr Bass took a step back.

  ‘Come on, say something for these nice gentlemen. I know you can. You were shouting when they brought you in.’

  Todd stared into space but said nothing. The embarrassed doctor gave a nervous laugh and turned to the others.

  ‘It does talk, I assure you. I don’t know why it won’t talk just now. Perhaps it’s intimidated by the presence of so many eminent personages. Ha ha!’

  The triceratops snorted. ‘If this is your idea of a joke, Dr. Bass I fail to see the funny side.’

  ‘My dear Professor Gorum, I assure you …’

  ‘The eyes have a certain animal cunning,’ one of the raptors said. ‘but even if this creature should have somehow developed suitable vocal chords when no other ape did it means nothing. An ability to repeat, perhaps, like a parrot. Nothing more.’ To Todd’s disgust the raptor tapped on the cage and said ‘Polly want a cracker? Pretty Polly’.

  The triceratops turned to leave. ‘Dr Bass, I do not appreciate being made a fool of. Come Doctors,’

  The two duck–bills and two of the raptors followed him outside, leaving only Dr Bass and the remaining two raptors. And Loma.

  ‘If you will be patient Gentlemen I’m sure I can persuade our little … um, human friend, to …’

  ‘Dr Bass,’ one of the raptors interrupted. ‘If there is anything in this story we want to be involved. What are your plans?’

  Dr Bass gave a relieved sigh of crocodile breath that made Todd gag. ‘I shall examine it first, of course. Take blood and DNA tests, brains scans and biopsies. Then I shall publish my findings in all the scientific journals. Afterwards I shall exhibit the creature around the world and give lectures. I need not tell you, Gentlemen, that if you cooperate with me I shall ensure you shall in some small way share in the glory.’

  ‘And in the profits,’ the raptor said. ‘And I assume that at some stage you will remove its brain for later examination. May I remind you, my country’s leading university would pay handsomely should you consider selling the brain to us.’

  Todd gaped but said nothing. When the three doctors left he called to Loma. ‘Did you hear what they said? They want to take my brain out!’

  ‘Yep. After he’s made as much money and glory out of you as he can. And thanks for not speaking while they were here. I don’t like Dr Bass and I couldn’t help giggling at his embarrassment.’

  ‘Glad you’re having fun. What I want to know is how do I get out of here?’

  Loma gave the dinosaur equivalent of tossing her hair, and Todd couldn’t help feeling that her girlish mannerisms and the way the light played and shivered across her scales made her seem somehow cute. Then he reminded himself that she was a lizard and lizards were not cute. She put a claw to her lipless mouth in a thinking attitude. ‘Um … do you have a name?’

  ‘Of course I have a name. It’s Todd.’

  Well, Todd, my name is Loma. If you were to escape where would you go?’

  ‘Home’.

  ‘And where is home?’

  It’s … you wouldn’t understand. It’s in a reality different from yours.’

  ‘I’m not stupid so don’t tell me I wouldn’t understand. Ooh! You can’t imagine how insulting it is to be told that by a … a human! Explain this ‘different reality’ to me and I’ll listen. As far as I’m concerned you’re a lost pet that someone found on a city street. How did you get there?’

  Todd tried to explain about the amazing colliderscope, but halfway through Loma turned and walked to the far side of the table in the centre of the room. Todd watched her long tail swing from side to side as she walked. When she returned she was holding something.

  ‘That’s it!’ Todd shouted. ‘That’s my colliderscope!’

  ‘I noticed it on the table when I was checking the animals on that side. So this is what you claim got you here, is it?’ She looked inside it. She gasped. ‘Oh! That’s so pretty!’

  ‘Don’t look through it!’

  She took it from her eye, alarmed at his vehemence. ‘Why?’

  ‘It might … it might send you to a reality you won’t like and you won’t know how to get back.’

  She laughed. ‘It’s only a kaleidoscope. I had one as a kid. Not as nice as this one though, the patterns are lovely.’

  ‘Ok, you can look through it. Just don’t touch the leather part and it should be all right.’ Todd waited in nervous anticipation while Loma oohed and aahed at the pretty patterns. All the while he was hoping her fingers wouldn’t find the little slide catch. When at last she tired of it she put it down on the ledge in front of the cage but just out of Todd’s reach. Todd racked his brain for ideas on how to get it from her.

  ‘So, Todd, you b
elieve you can do something with this thing that will send you back to where you came from. I’m sorry but I don’t believe in magic.’

  ‘It isn’t magic, it’s technology. I don’t know how it works. It’s my uncle’s. He’s a professor. I was just messing with it.’

  ‘And you want it back.’

  ‘Of course I want it back. I want to go home. Please help me get home.’

  ‘Fine, in that case I have a proposition for you.’

  #

  Todd’s general knowledge was no more than that of the average twelve–year–old but he answered Loma’s questions as well as he could. After all, apart from the fact that in his world humans had evolved to become the dominant species instead of reptiles there didn’t seem to be much difference. He told her what little he knew of his world’s history, science, religions and state of technological development. All the while he was being recorded by Loma’s camera. As an added precaution Loma had locked and barricaded the doors before filming.

  At the end of the interview Loma thanked Todd and turned to face the camera.

  ‘What you have just watched is something so unique it has never happened before. What’s more, if what Todd says can be believed, it will never happen again, because Todd claims that by means of the object which I am about to return to him he will disappear. Yes, folks, he will vanish before our very eyes, he says, and return to his own world. Whether this occurs or not I think we can all agree that this has been a truly extraordinary experience. Never before has another species besides our own been known to develop speech.’

  She turned to Todd and handed the colliderscope to him through the now open door of the cage. ‘Thank you, Todd, and goodbye.’

  Todd held the colliderscope tightly. He wasn’t about to let it out of his possession again. When Loma held out her hand he shook it, noticing that it was hard and scaly. Although eager to leave he felt a strange sadness, as if he was leaving a friend. He waved goodbye to the camera, shouted ‘that’s all, folks’, and looked into the colliderscope. He clicked the switch.

  Chapter 10

  Once again he was sucked through a whirling vortex and spat out. He felt hard wooden boards beneath him. The difference this time was that he was still moving, something smelled salty, and something sharp was pricking his belly.

  ‘Ahoy, Cap’n, we got a stowaway here.’

  Todd opened his eyes. Against a background of swaying masts and flapping white sails a bushy–bearded pirate stood looming over him. He could tell it was a pirate because of the black eye patch and the bandanna. Also the flag flapping at the top of one of the masts bore a skull and crossbones. The thing that was pricking his belly was the point of a cutlass.

  ‘A stowaway?’ a rough voice roared. ‘Have ye lost yer mind, Noah Suggs? We been at sea a month.’

  ‘Mebbe I have lost me mind, Cap’n Blackbeard, but I ain’t seen this ‘un afore.’

  Todd remained still. That was a very sharp sword point. He’d hoped that the colliderscope would take him home this time, or at least someplace where his brain wasn’t due to be removed or his head cut off. Now he seemed to have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Other crew members gathered around him. Despite his terror he couldn’t help noticing just how many wore eye patches. Pirates must get into a lot of fights, he thought, or be accident prone. The pirates lurched apart as a massive form barged through them.

  There was no doubting that the man blocking the sun was the captain. Broad–shouldered and big–bellied, with a curling black beard down to his waist, he radiated authority. From the broad belt he wore from one shoulder to the opposite hip two antique pistols stuck out. A similar belt around his waist held a third, plus a wicked–looking dagger and a sword. He wore a three–cornered hat. Black eyes glittered down at Todd.

  ‘Aaarrh! a stowaway it be, right enough,’ he roared. ‘How the devil did he stay hidden for a whole month? The Queen Anne’s Revenge ain’t that big a ship.’

  The one called Noah Suggs scratched his grey beard. ‘Blessed if I know, Cap’n. He was just there, sudden like. As if he dropped from the sky or something.’

  Some of the pirates looked up at the sky as if that was a real possibility.

  ‘He’s a furriner too,’ another said. ‘Them’s furriner’s clothes he’s wearing.’

  ‘You a foreigner, boy? ‘The captain bellowed . ‘You talk English?’

  Todd nodded, too paralysed to speak.

  ‘Well, you know what we do with stowaways on the Queen Anne’s Revenge? We toss ‘em to the sharks.’ He turned to his crew. ‘Get the plank set up.’

  Immediately their captain strode away the whooping pirates swept Todd up and carried him to the ship’s rail. Todd judged from their enthusiasm that entertainment was rare on this cruise. While he was being carried he stuck the colliderscope in his belt. He didn’t know how it could save him from being eaten by sharks but he wasn’t about to let go of it.

  He was going to walk the plank. It didn’t quite register on his brain because it only happened in stories about … Oh God! These were pirates. It registered soon enough when he was plonked on one end of a plank sticking over the ship’s side and out over the water. His panicked fingers grabbed the ship’s wooden rail as the pirates pushed him out but they were no match for the hardened hands that pried them from it. Once again a sword’s point prodded him, this time in his back. He pushed against it. When he felt his skin pierced he stopped pushing.

  Balanced on a swaying plank of wood over churning waves, with a horizon that rose and fell with the ship’s motion, he took up a wide–legged surfer’s stance. Below him the sea was dark green, mysterious and deep, and in his imagination full of nameless monsters. A sudden lurch from the ship combined with a thump in the buttocks from a long spar wielded by a pirate made him wobble.

  Chapter 11

  ‘Wait!’ the captain roared. ‘Bring him back.’

  The crew member with the spar dropped it. The pirates, foiled of their entertainment, muttered impatient curses.

  ‘I bin thinking,’ Blackbeard shouted. ‘There be magic here. He couldn’t have hidden on the ship a whole month, and he couldn’t have dropped from the sky. It be bad luck to kill a sea sprite, if that’s what he be.’

  The plank, with Todd balancing like a circus performer, was drawn back in. A horny hand dragged him from it and stood him upright. The captain loomed over him like a wall and thrust his smelly beard close to Todd’s face.

  ‘Be ye magical, or do I throw ye back for shark bait’

  Faced with that choice Todd would be as magical as anything. Sweating, he struggled to come up with some evidence.

  ‘Yes! I’m … I’m really, really magical! Look! I can …um …’ Nothing came to mind. He waggled his fingers in a last desperate attempt to convince them of magical powers, at the same time trying to imagine how to magic an escape from a ship in the middle of the ocean. If he could keep the pirates’ attention from the colliderscope in his belt he might have a chance. ‘I can … um … oh look, here’s my magical …er … timekeeper.’ He dragged his watch from his wrist and held it for Blackbeard’s perusal. The pirate captain took it in his beefy hand and studied it.

  ‘This be magical?’

  ‘Definitely. It tells you the time by magic. See the numbers? They’re the hours. And it tells you the minutes and even the seconds. See that one that’s moving. That’s counting the seconds. And that little square is the date. See? And … and it’s got an alarm so you can wake up at any time you want.’

  The pirates gathered in close to inspect the magic timekeeper until the captain roared at them to get back to their duties. He put the watch in a coat pocket.

  ‘I’ll be checking this for magic at me leisure. Meantime you can scrub the decks. Unless ye have some other magical items about ye. What’s that stuck in yer belt?’

  ‘Oh, that? That’s not magical. Oh no, it’s just a … a …”

  Before Todd could finish Blackbeard had snatched the colliderscop
e from his belt. Todd hopped about in panic. The colliderscope was his only chance of getting off the ship. Blackbeard turned the tube about in his hands studying it. He put it to his eye.

  ‘Arrrrrh,’ he exclaimed in fluent Pirate. ‘That be a sight to see. Prettiest thing I seen since I burned Port Gabriel to ashes.’

  ‘Please, Captain Blackbeard, Sir, can I have it back?’

  ‘Have it back? Are ye mad? Blackbeard doesn’t give back. He takes.’ He inspected the tube again. ‘What’s this here I wonder.’

  Todd’s hopes plummeted. The thing the captain was looking at was the slide switch.

  ‘Don’t touch that!’ Todd tried to grab the colliderscope from Blackbeard’s hands. The pirate captain stared at him in disbelief. The little black eyes glittered in fury as he shoved him aside.

  ‘Ye don’t tell Blackbeard what to do and what not to do. For that it’s back to the plank with you. Just as soon as I’ve done this.’ He clicked the switch across, then looked into the eyepiece. He started back.

  ‘By Neptune’s bones! I ain’t never seed the like o’ this.’

  The nearby crew members had never seen the like of what happened next either. Captain Blackbeard vanished. Two seconds later he reappeared sprawled on the deck, cowering and whimpering, the colliderscope gripped in one hand. He was dressed in animal skins and his hair stood on end as if electrified. Todd wondered what strange realities the captain must have visited, and why it had only been for a couple of seconds. Blackbeard shot to his feet and thrust the colliderscope into Todd’s hands.

  ‘Throw this young demon and his cursed seeing–tube to the sharks! I been through the longest nightmare ever I knowed and I want no part of him. To the sharks! Now! Afore he can do any more harm!’

  The pirates took some moments to grasp that this animal skin covered creature was their captain and not some strange creature that should be thrown back into the sea. Once they did they wasted no time in setting up the plank and forcing Todd onto it. This time they pushed him along it immediately in case the captain should decide to spoil their fun again.

  Once again Todd found himself balancing on the narrow board like a surfer. Once again the horizon rose and fell with the ship’s motion. For an instant he was taken back to his primary school days. The plank was the high dive board at the local public swimming pool and he was looking down through what seemed a million miles of air to the bullies looking up at him from the water. The bullies who had forced him up there to jump. But it wasn’t school bullies beneath him now. It was sharks!